i was inspired to do something like this after learning of my “problem” and coming across one of the blogs from a local durbanite (faithful infertile) who also had some issues in the baby making situation and with her too it appeared to be the hubby who had something wrong with the baby gravy.
after everything this women went thru i was pleased to see (after doing some staking #weirdoalert #sorrydurbanissmall) she eventually got her bundle of joy.
i really hope by doing this, people can see that they not alone (not a great situation to be in also) and who knows maybe it will better guide them or assist in decision making.
so my wife an got married in june 2014, we knew from the get go that we weren’t going to try for a baby straight after tying the knot, as we still wanted to travel and weren’t in a rush. after about an awesome year an a half, was around november/december 2015, we had just returned home from one of my best mates wedding in joburg and were chatting in bed when we decided to see if we could try for a bambino. j was still on the pill and aunt flo had just finished so we decided that j wasn’t going to take the pill anymore and we were going to give this thing a shot. december/january/february came an went without no success, i think in march we literally did it every single day/night hoping that we would get lucky to no avail 😦
we decided since we weren’t successful in march, we would not try so hard and we were going to relax. try not think about it too much and if it happened it happened, also we weren’t overly keen on having j heavily pregnant in december if we were to get lucky.
so after 3 more months of no success, j bday was in june we decided that since she was due for aunt flo around her bday, that we were going to give this baby making a good go. we both started vitamin c, i started taking folic acid and a vitamin b and we did the deed basically everyday for the next 3 months.
now in the beginning i was really liking this daily “action” but it took its toll on us – both physically and emotionally. there were days where both of were just not in the mood, like at all, but we preserved with no success. aunt flo would arrive on time every single month, this broke j down every time and me, well i don’t show emotion too much(at all) in front of j but pieces of me just felt like a failure. we were happily married this was the next big “step” in our life journey but it just wasn’t happening for us.
in september we finally had enough of this not knowing whats actually happening with our bodies and why they weren’t working the way we wanted it too. so j set up an appointment with her gynae dr methethwa to see what the deal was with j.
so j went and saw dr m, she did her checks, j had pap smear and bloods done and she was very happy, all was good. she was concerned tho that we had been trying for nearly a year and nothing had happened so she gave j a form and a cup and sent her on her way. when j got home she presented me with this form and cup and said i needed to do a semen sample.
now i wasn’t overly excited about this because
- a) i needed to abstain from releasing anything for at least 3-5 days (was getting use to these daily activities)
- b) i was to make sure all the “contents” was to go into the cup without touching any of the insides.
we decided that we would abstain from our regular daily activities in the week and on saturday we would present the sample, we stay near a hospital which was great, it was just making sure that they were open and had someone to take the sample, as they cannot accept it or test it if its older than 4 hours.
so saturday came, we checked to see if they were open and someone available to accept the sample, i asked j if she could do a little dance to get the blood flowing but was merrily sent to the bathroom, cup in hand, left to carry out my own duties. after sometime and several questions from j asking if i’m fine or hows it going i emerged with cup in hand holding my swimmers. we rushed up the road, filled in a bunch of forms and then handed over the present to be analysed.
they said it would take a couple of days and results would be sent to dr m.
now one thing you must learn, if you unfortunately have to go through this process, is patience. everything you do, you get told to wait, whether its setting appointments, waiting for results. you need to just basically wait.wait.wait. and days at a time which is absolute murder for the soul.
j has been to dr m several times but this (last) experience we had was just plain awful and shocking. the results must have come in on thursday, j missed a call from an unknown number which we now know was dr m but without getting hold of us, the admin person went ahead and sent a referral letter to j on friday afternoon. upon receiving the letter j immediately phoned dr m rooms to find out exactly whats happening and why was she sent the referral letter without any explanation or results. j was apologised too, as she shouldn’t have sent the letter yet and that she would try get dr m to contact her but if i recall, dr m was in theatre for the rest of the day. so we waited the rest of friday with no contact from dr m and there we left with this referral letter for the rest of the weekend saying:
j tests are all normal however my semen results have come back with mar antibody strong positive
the weekend was the absolute shitest weekend ever. every free minute j and i had we were searching what this mar antibody word was and what it meant and how it would impact on our goal of having a baby.
monday finally arrived and j had already sent dr m a snotty email over the weekend when dr m finally contacted j to apologise for what happened and that i needed to see a urologist. dr m then sent us the results to give to the urologist.
now i had been in hospital in february 2015 when one of my testicles all of sudden swelled up and had to be admitted to hospital, i was in for 2 days when i was eventually discharged. no reason what the cause was but is where i suspect where my antibody problem became permanent.
we were now in october 2016 and the urologist that i wanted to go to when i was admitted was fully booked until the end on november. dr m then suggest we see dr venter, which we tried and said he could see me on 25 october.
i was highly frustrated with this appointment, we spent about 15 minutes filing out forms, then was sent to the bathroom with a cup to do a urine sample and then after another 5 minutes of waiting with the urine sample we were ushered into the room with dr v. we literally sat down explained our story, that we been trying for a year, i did a semen test, handed over the results and letter, he took a quick look at the letter and results and said he couldn’t really make a decision or give advice on the situation, picked up the phone, called someone and said i needed to actually go for another, more thorough test at the fertility clinic across the road in order to assist.
total time spent in office = 15 minutes
cost = R600 cash
now that i think about it, the front desk lady kept my urine sample??? #awkward
so off we went to the natal fertility clinic, we were greeted by a very nice lady who took down all our details and then scheduled me for a session in november to come in and release a sample of “stuff in a cup”
the next available spot open was just over a week later, since i needed to again abstain from releasing any swimmers and advised i should come in on day 4 to release my goods, which we noted.
so we waited the week, i arrived for my appointment and much to my disappointment of like how you see in the movies, the guy is lead to a room and when the door opens they are greeted with copious amounts of adult magazines and a tv to “assist” you, i on the other hand was giving the milky pale see-through cup (again) and lead into a toilet area where i was greeted with a small table, toilet and basin – grrrrreat (not).
i was told to do my deed and then when finished to seal the cup, write my name, date and time on the cup and leave it on the desk. lucky i bought my own pen, imagine having to walk through the reception area with flushed face from having to work out my baby gravy, asking for a pen to note the details.
i did as i was told and then (again) told it would probably take a week or so since the clinic did a test and then sent it off for more tests.
couple days later tests came back with the same note saying high antibodies and required use of assisted-reproductive techniques. with this we were told we needed to set up an appointment with one of the fertility specialist – finally someone telling us what to do and we don’t have to work it out for ourselves – there were 2 fertility specialists at the natal fertility clinic, dr hansen and dr (kobus) coetsee.
dr hansen could see us in mid november or dr coetsee in december.
we decided to do some research first as we also heard of a fertility doctor in westville but after doing all our research and also reading the faithful infertile blog, we decided we would go with dr coetsee.
we called the fertility clinic and appointment set for 7 december 🙂